No Need to Say Goodbye

"It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
Till it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to war
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it, too
Doesn't means that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Till they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye"





-- "The Call" by Regina Spektor








It's been one year.








Twelve months.








Fifty-Two weeks.








Three-hundred and sixty-five days.








Five-hundred and twenty-eight-thousand nine-hundred and forty-nine minutes.











In other words, far to long sense I left that place I still call home. Oz. Australia. It's funny how I still love they way that word rolls off my tongue. But it's also crazy how much weight it carries even this far along. It's crazy how things get easier, but only ever so slightly. They say that time is a great healer, but it's astounding just how much time it takes to heal wounds of the heart. It's crazy how much thinking about those last days still hurts. How vividly I can remember the pain of leaving a place that I love, of leaving a culture that I love, the people that I love. I still don't know if I should talk about it in the past or present tense. I still can't grasp all the ways in which I grew and changed because of my year abroad. Every single day I think about Oz. Every day it dawns on me that Oz taught me this or that. Every day of my life, I remember. I feel. I love. And some days it physically hurts. Some days there's nothing on my mind buy Oz. Nothing but stories--memories. Something I've found I have a knack for collecting. And every day goes on. Life moves forward. Before I know it it'll have been two years. Five. Ten. Twenty. Time doesn't stop just because the mind dwells. Just because we don't forget. Every day I get farther and farther away from what Oz used to be, from the day I left. And closer to the day that I return, to what Oz will be. I'll come back when you call me.


And still, it's just as shocking waking up today as it was a year ago. Only this time around, rather than having to take in "America", I have to come to terms with the fact that it's been so long. That it's my New Year. That July 12th is my time to reset the clocks and begin the count down all over. My time to begin afresh; a time filled with new journeys, new adventures and new stories. New lessons about life, new people and plenty of new epiphanies. A time to find a new flow and accept the change. It's like being reborn in away, knowing that you've made it through so much and that when things do get rocky, you have the strength to fight your way back to the top. So that even when things seem impossible, you know that they aren't.



You've learned how to put things behind you without completly forgetting. You've learned how to say "see ya later" and avoid the word "goodbye", becaues there is no such thing. You've learned that being in a crowd of people doesn't necessarily mean you can't be lonely. You know that it's ok to be you. But you've also leaned how to share certain parts of yourself with differnt people. As you have different friends for different things. You've learned to go with the flow, but letting go is something you're still comming to terms with. You've learned that just because everything's changing doesn't mean it's never been this way before. You know what it means to truly love. And you know that living on opposite sides of the globe doesn't stop that love. You've learned to live without the people you love, the places you miss and the stories you could share. You know that just becaues others can't feel it too doesn't mean you have to forget. You let your memoreis keep your love alive. And, most importantly, you know that there is no need to say goodbye, only "See you Later".





You've been on exchange. And even this long after, it still isn't smooth sailing. . . you've just learned to become an excellent sailer.

Got a tan. Saved the World. Life is Good.

One would think the above is impossible. Usually superheros wear full body spandex topped off with a cape and there's no way the sun is getting thought that. But last week, I proved em' wrong. I saved the world and got a badass tan. Well, maybe not the entire world...maybe it was only a small piece...and maybe it involved a few afternoons at the beach, and maybe my tan isn't exactly 'badass'....and I most certainly didn't stop any buildings from falling or any old ladies from getting hit by a bus. But I did something great. I made an impact that changed people lives as well as my own. I made a difference.

A few weeks ago, myself and 16 other students at Durango High School saved a little piece of the world. Though Interact (the high school branch of Rotary International) and a contact currently in the Peace Corps, we spent 6 days in Jamaica sweating, painting, teaching, learning, tanning, growing and changing. Changing the lives of others and making a lasting impact. Growing as people as we gained new experiences in a foreign land. Tanning on a daily basis, learning from others, teaching those around us, painting wall after wall and sweating profusely. It's hard to put into words the kind of things you gain from this without over doing the cheese factor. But you all know how much I love being cheesy! So...

I know that I'm a better person because of everything that we accomplished last week. Everything from smalling up (cramming as many people into public transport as possible....11 people into the back of a tiny truck bed and 5 more into the cab), to reading to the kids at Baboscel Primary school, to picking up trash around the Cricket pitch and painting the Community Centre, every minute of every day, I was becoming a better person. The sense of community I found within our group of Interacters was astonishing, we learned from each other, we cried together and we laughed at one another. There's nothing better than being able to crack a joke at someone else's expense :) We are a family in a sense, Rotary has united us in the same way it has brought together so many people across the world. Our little group of 16 kids and 5 adults will always have this experience to share. The people we met in Jamaica will always share this experience with us. It was wonderful. Life changing. Eye opening. And pretty much just amazing :)

Now for the visuals! The very best part of any blog is the photos! Cause I know how few of you actually read this and just look at the photos. So enjoy!

For a few days we volunteered at a primary school, to us this kid was known as the "cool kid with the dreads"...as you can see he's pretty wicked :)

On the first day at the school we spent time teaching kids in the 4th grade to read then we went to the different grade levels and read them the book "The Lorax" by Dr. Seuss. When we asked them questions at the end they were all so excited. This is one of my favorite photos.

Jamaica used to be a British Colony, just like Australia. So, guess what!! THEY PLAY CRICKET!! And they have Milo, they have tea and coffee after dinner, they have supper, and they drive on the left, and the use the metric system, and they even have some of the same slang! It was just like being at home. That's probably my favorite part about Jamaica, the fact that the British took over it however many years ago so that I could visit in the 21st century and feel like I was in OZ :)

We also spent a lot of time painting things....and this is what happens when you spend a lot of time painting things. We were so worried about getting speckle tans :) This is Ally, Leah and me (L to R)

Of the 6 days we had in Jamaica, we spent one being tourists. The obnoxious American kind......and we went to the Dunn River falls. Which, as you can see by this amazing photo taken by the professional photographer that happened to be one of our chaperons, are quite pretty. They are about 9 kilometers long and you start at the bottom at the beach and climb your way up. Heaps cool eh?

And because we did this trip through Rotary, we got to go to a Rotary meeting! Which was one of the highlights for me on the trip...cause I'm all obsessed with Rotary and what not. You see, the Peace Corps contact we have in Jamaica is former Rotarian from Durango and a new member of the Ocho Rios club in Jamaica. Here we have Tori, the club President, and the Sargent at arms. Did I mention they have the same sense of humor as Aussies :) takin the mickey is what they do.

And here's a few photos just for laughs :)

A few photos for the "AAAAAAWWEEEE" factor

And one just to get you thinking :)

haha....there are just random wild goats all over the place! I'm not even joking!

The End that Leads to a New Begining (or so they tell me...)

HI GUYS :) How ya goin? Long time no see eh? Just in case you forgot my face.....haha

As some of you know, and as some of you don't, I'm graduating High School in two weeks. In two short weeks....everything that most people my age have made their long term goal will come to an end. I have mixed feelings about this. Part of me wants to stay because it is easy, it's routine. And I seem to be needing routine in my life right now. Part of me is scared for what comes next. I know that I have to work for a while then I'll go to school for awhile and work work some more, go back to school...so on and so forth. But there is so much that is unknown. My mother tells me that I worry to much. I'm beginning to believe her. I worry that I'll somehow fail at college, somehow this very interesting person that I've become will manage to find a way to be a loner. It's funny how fast the confidence you gain on Exchange withers into a small thing cowering in the corner. Either that or I'll go spiraling down again. And I've just started to spiral upwards, slowly but surely I am finding my way out of what was a very dark place. Now would not be the time to turn back.

The thought that I have to leave a place where I've finally found a notch that I never felt existed, scares me. I don't like this pattern that I see being developed. I get comfortable....then I have to go somewhere else. The next year or so will be a series of brief starts and stops. High School for three months, work for 6 weeks, College here in Durango for 5 months, summer break and then I could quite possibly be moving to the other side of the country to start at yet another new school. To me, that is unsettling. Change is something that scares most people, even the strong willed ones. I suppose part of me is okay with that. I'm ready for something new. But as most people would be, I'm scared of what 'new' means. Of the new challenges it will present. I want to be that person that finds a thrill and excitement in this, but right now I just want stability. But as Australia itself taught me, sometimes you just have to roll with the punches.

As a Senior, I have to put together a portfolio containing all of my best works, the things I learned from high school and plans of what I hope to do with the rest of my life. I have to present it to my home group, roughly 20 kids of the 500 in my class, my homegroup teacher and my school counsellor. Here are some of my thoughts.......

The past four years of my life have been interesting to say the least. To start off with, they’ve been long. Freshman year seems so far off…. a distant place where I didn’t know what was coming next. Part of that might be because I’ve done so much in the last four years, as most of us have. It’s like we’re put on super-speed and asked to do a million things at once. Another part is that I’ve changed so much sense then. And that’s what most people claim, you grow up by the time your senior year rolls around. But, I really have grown up. That’s what a year abroad does to you; it forces you to become an ‘adult’ at the age of 17. And as a kid, Peter Pan was always my favorite Disney Character…..I never wanted to grow up, there are days when I wish that I hadn’t grown up. But at the same time I realize how lucky I am to know what I do at such a young age…..I’m not talking about trigonometry or biology class….I’m talking about life. High School taught me the basics, two squared is eight, atoms make up EVERYTHING, the US won independence in 1776 and 3.14 equals pie…but so does some apple filling and a golden crust. But Australia taught me about life. And that’s what I want to take away from all of this, lessons about life.

I have been inspired to do things I’d never have even considered before I left, I want to join the Peace Corps and save to world. My involvement in the Interact club here at the High School is leading me in the right direction, in March we are going to spend a week in Jamaica doing humanitarian work. This is something that I would not have taken the slightest bit of interest in prior to my exchange. My new found worldly opinions and incredibly broadminded view of things has opened my mind up to a million possibilities. I will be starting college in January with the intention of majoring in International Studies and Journalism. Two topics that, once again, I had no interest in before my exchange. Rotary Youth Exchange taught me that the world is a small place and that every act counts. Every nice thing that you do for a stranger makes a difference in the world. Every horrible thing that happens because of War or poverty, affects a family somewhere. And every day is a new opportunity to make a difference, to impact someone’s life, to let someone impact yours and to be an inspiration. The world is a fascinating place, full of new discoveries and thrilling adventures. Life is an adventure, full of challenges, uncertainties, ups, downs, sticky situations and blind curves. And we just have to do our best to control what can be controlled, and flow with the things that can’t. We have to learn how to move forward but not forget. And we must learn to live with no regrets, speak our minds, learn from our mistakes and follow our dreams, because the sky is the limit. These are things that I could never have learnt in high school, though I do have to credit it with being the reason I had the opportunity of going on an Exchange. I look back on my experience here as a student and consider it a mechanism, as tool that aided me to get to a place that allowed me to be where I am today, that place led me to learn what I did. It is a tool that I am now ready to leave behind, one that has been used to its fullest extent and can now sit peacefully in its box on the bottom shelf. However, I do have one last thing to say before I leave it behind for good, and that’s Thank You.

Thank you Durango High School, thank you Rotary and Rotarians alike, thank you Mum (Karen, Dia, Marilyn and Meredith), thank you Dad (Andrew, John, Andy and James), thank you to all my bothers and sisters (Jacqulyn, Duncan, Dylan, Ryan, Claudia, Nicola, Fran, Hayley and Autumn) and thank you Australia (yes the actual country) for you are forever a part of me.

Love, Hugs and Kisses

Ariel

Fly Me To the Moon

We are like Astronauts. We are heros in the eyes of our people. We are brave, daring and coreagous. We have chosen to conqure what most people see as impossible. We have chosen to fly to the moon. We are warriors of peace and unity. We are German, Australian, Frence, Brazillian, American, Japanese and Swiss (etc). "We are RYE, We are family, All my brothers, sisters and me..."

I know I told all of you I was "retiring" my blog.. . .well, it's been two months. . .that's a long enough retirement right? Anywho....point is....I missed it. Blogging sorta became my addcition while I was over in Oz. Just as Tim tams became my favorite food, Amy became my favorite silly blonde girl and Grace, Katja and Sarah became my favorite exchangers and the word OY! became my favorite phrase...That and it's just SOOO much fun sending you all emails with links to something you never even read!! haha - it's cool...I hardly have time to do anything myself these days....life in America is so hectic...I actually have to attend school!! Imagine that! *trying real had to imagine* Nope, nothing....Me, school? What? Right...

Well this weekend I didn't go to school - suprise? instead I went to the District 5470 Confrence. Where, of course, I met something like 25 of the coolest people on earth. What makes them so cool?? Well, they're Rotary Exchange Students!! We spent the weekend in Glenwood racing down mountains, crawling (if you can even call it that) through caves and havin a blast! It makes me miss my exchangers....and my Aussies.....It makes me wanna cry, a lot...but RYE still rocks my socks....and here's why :P

#1. We can get away with anything.

#2. We're total bad arses.

.

#3. We're gangsta.

#4. Even when we look like idiots, we look like cool idiots.

#5. We're bloody good singers.

#6. And, well, who wouldn't want to look like that?

The Last of the Lasts

2 years ago I never would have pictured myself sitting in this chair writing a "blog" that in less than 12 hours, hundreds of people would be reading all across the world. 2 years ago, turning 17 seemed a lifetime away. . . 2 years ago going on exchange was nothing but a dream, spending a year in a country and building a life there seemed unimaginable. Australia was a far off place and the word "Host family" was still a new term in my vocabulary. I didn't think that it was physically possible to live in a place where the temperature rose above 110 degrees Fahrenheit. . .I didn't think it was possible to change so much in a year. As far as I was concerned, Durango was where it was at and everything else was a whole different world, to far away to have any impact on my life. I looked at a map, pointed out Europe and thought, "boy, the day when I get to that country. . . .the day that I go somewhere so far away. . .wow" and now I look at Europe and think, "hey, that's where Luca lives. . . And that's Katja's home town. . . Look! Sarah's been there."

2 years later, I have a personal connection to dozens of countries around the world. . . and I realize what a rare thing that is. How many people can start a conversation with the sentence "my friend from Switzerland and I. . .dot dot dot. . ."How many people even know - and I mean really know - someone from another part of the world? How many people have taken the time to set aside the differences that come with being "foreigners" to sit down and really have a meaningful conversation with someone from a different country? How many people have had that opportunity? The thing that immediately pops into my mind after writing that sentence is "What about language barriers?" but with exchange students that doesn't matter. We could speak 15 languages between 30 of us and still understand what we meant to say. As an Exchange Student I have permanent connections to hundreds of people, people that I've never even met, from places I've never even been. Being an Exchange Student is like being part of an exclusive club that's there to help the world become One. Even though we are rarely from the same country, let alone the same town, we have a shared experience - no matter what country we've gone to or what country we're from - and that alone is enough unite us as if we'd known one another other from birth. That's exactly what Youth Exchange - what ever the program - is about. Uniting the world, helping people to set aside their differences and to simply get to know each other. It's a powerful thing to be a Rotary Youth Exchange Student. We are powerful people, we can help the world in a way that no one else can.

Now, you might be thinking that I'm making a big deal of nothing and that's a common problem for long term Exchange Students, it seems that the only other people who understand are the other long term Exchange Students. And it's a damn good thing that there are thousands of us out there. Weather you're an Outbound, an Inbound, a Rebounder or if you've been back for 20 years. You will always be a Rotary Youth Exchange Student and you will forever hold an important position within that international community.

Through this exchange, over the last year of my life - one year out of a lifetime - has helped me to build bridges, to make friends from all over the globe, to change myself and to become a part of a international community. I will always be a Rotary Youth Exchange Student, no matter how old I get or how far I move from 'home' I can always hold that title and rely on the people in that international community. And let me tell you, I hold that title with an immense amount of pride in my heart and gratitude in my being. Because if it weren't for Rotary or my biological parents or my Host Families or the friends I made in my host country or the Exchange Students I've met both overseas and here in my native country, I would not be who I am today. I owe so much of who I am and what I've become to so many different people that it's hard to say thank you enough times to everyone I owe those two words to. So let this be my thank you to you. This blog, this opening. . . essay if you will. . .is my thank you. I'm dedicating this to everyone who impacted my exchange in even the slightest way because without that year, without Australia, I would not know who I am and I would not be who I am today. So thank you because I absolutely love the person this year has made me out to be.

Just for blog's sake, I'll tell you what happened on the way home. . .

Over a week ago I went to the Adelaide Airport with my 2nd Host family - somewhat prepared for the journey ahead of me. I had managed to pack my life into two suitcases, a carry on and a laptop bag. It's really strange being able to look at a pile of things and know that that is everything that you own. Especially when that pile is only this big.It's really strange being able to look at a pile of things and know that that is everything that you own. Especially when that pile is only this big.


After making it through security and to the gate, we said our final goodbyes. I cried. . .they cried. . .we all cried together. It was an extremely sad moment. Don't look to closely at our faces, people tend to be ugly when they're balling their eyes out. However, I did luck out in that I flew from Adelaide to Sydney with two other Exchange Students, making the journey easier as they provided ample distraction.

This is the last photo taken of me in Australia. Me in my Rotary blazer in front of the plane to America. All of my flights went according to plan. I spent about 20 hours in the air and 10 hours hanging out in airports and I arrived safely on the other side of the world.


I had managed to pack up my life, hop on a plane and fly to a place that, at one time, was "familiar". It doesn't make sense that my fellow Americans have accents, the food tastes strange, the trees are different and everything is as strange as Australia was on that first day. My house no longer feels like my home and it hurts thinking/knowing that Australia can't really be my home - it was only a year but it was the best, most meaningful year of my life and one week ago, I had the courage to leave everything that I cared about only to have to face a new life in an old country. Where, no matter how strange things may seem, I'm the only one to have changed to the extent that I have. I'm the only one to have seen the things that I have, to have experienced all that I have experienced. And this is the last of a long string of lasts. I had my last day of Australian school, my last drink of Aussie grog, my last hug from my best mate, my last Rotary meeting, my last 4 minute shower, my last laugh with my host dad and my last baking session with my host mum. This makes it official, it is the last of the lasts. You have no idea how terrifying that is. You spend so much of your time counting down while your on exchange, 3 weeks till this trip, 4 day till I fly to my host country, 1 month till I move host families, it goes on and on. In a way the three years of your life that you dedicate to this process when you sign up (applying/outbound, living in your host country/inbound, coming home and readjusting/rebound) is a massive countdown to the day where life will be normal again. Only problem is, life is never normal before, during or after exchange. It changes you and the course of your life forever. Sometimes I have this fleeting thought where I wish that Australia had never happened, but then I scold myself and remember that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. But it will forever remain true that my life would be much less complicated with out this year. Sometimes it seems unbearable, time goes on forever and other times the hole that Australia has created in my heart only lets off a dull ache in my heart. Exchange is full of ups and downs, highs and lows. It's defiantly one roller coaster ride that I will never forget.

The Last Supper (S)

Yes, it is plural. That's how much I'm loved :) But unlike Jesus' last supper, they didn't write some silly book called "The Da Vinci Code" about me. . . or was it the Bible? Hmmmm. . . Anyway, we had a grand ol' time at the pub (no, not a bar, a restaurant)on Sunday night. There was circus acts (as seen in Exhibit A), good food and a room full of people just for me. 35 of them to be exact :)

Exhibit A (Amy and Dylan)

On Friday night I had an old fart farewell tea (no, we didn't just drink a cup of tea while politely chating about the weather and holding cucumber sandwiches with our pinkies pointed in queer directions. . .we had dinner). The kind where I had to cut up all their food into tiny pieces so that they could manage to chew it and help them to their chairs, making sure they didn't fall. . .the joys of living with host parents in their fifty's. You can hear their bones creaking from a kilometer away and you can see the shine of their bald spots from across the room. I feel for ya Andrew :P

Here we have (L to R) Steve (We can see your face this time! And what a sight that is. . .) and Lisa, Andrew and Karen (hosties) and Don and Jenny

And just and FYI, I'm blogging as much as possible between now any my return to the States because I plan on doing one post after I get back, just as a reflection kind of thing, then I'm packing it up, I'm callin it quits and I'm making a book out of it. It'll be a strange thing to not 'Blog' about my life. For once I might have some privacy, I'll no longer have to share my every move with the likes of you. . .yeah, I'll miss it too. Surprisingly enough, I've grown rather fond of being stalked over the net by large groups of people. . .

Shakin in my Boots

Have you ever felt like you've got a million things to do and no time to do it, except, when you think about it, you don't know what it is you need to do and still, there isn't enough time to do it? Welcome to my life mate. . .This morning, I realized for the first time what it means to only have 6 days left in in a place. 6 sleeps isn't enough rest to prepare me for the journey ahead. 6 breakfasts isn't enough to eat the amount of Aussie cereal's I'd like to. 6 afternoon tea's isn't enough to get my fill of Timtams. 6 mornings, 6 arvo's and 6 late nights isn't enough time to breathe the Aussie air. 6 days isn't enough time to say goodbye to everything I've come to know and have grown to love. 6 days isn't even a week. 6 days is barely enough time to write an essay for that english class I hardly ever attend, 6 days isn't even enough time to go on a holiday, let along pack up your belongings and leave your life behind. 6 days just isn't enough. It's not longer frustrating, or annoying, I don't whish the wait was over and I most certaintly don't want to leave. Right now it's just scary and sad. Heart wrenching if you will. I have a limited amount of time to gather my things, say goodbye to everyone that I love and come to terms with the fact that I won't be back for a while. I'm terrified, are you?